Letting Go

When I was a young boy I used to enjoy staring blankly at the wall whenever I had a few minutes to spare.  It was a pastime to which I would return time and time again. It gave me a sense of peace and happiness that I could not really describe.  I was not sure if there was a name for such an activity and wondered if other people also indulged in it.

Reclaiming one’s inner child is not about reverting to childish immaturity.  It is about reconnecting with our true essence, remembering to simply be ourselves, and re-awakening the divine gift which has always been a part of us.

As I grew older, I realized what I did during my early childhood was actually some form of meditation, not too dissimilar to what the monks practiced at the temple.

Despite growing up in a Buddhist society and visiting the temple on a regular basis with my family, I had a very vague understanding of meditation. I thought of it special magical practice done only by the monks. 

Their unintelligible chants (mostly in Pali) seemed to be some form of communication with the higher realms to which only they had access.  I grew up thinking that meditation was definitely not for the lay people, let alone a young child. 

During my twenties I studied everything I could get my hands on to improve my meditation skills, in hope of attaining the states of bliss and transcendence that I read so much about in the books. 

I tried and tried, but no matter how hard I tried, I failed. In fact, I failed to even replicate the peacefulness that I had experienced as a child. 

It finally dawned on me that while I was trying so hard to learn to meditate the right way, I was going about it the wrong way. 

I kept filling up my mind with this concept or that concept, this path or that path, this technique or that technique until there was no room left for, well, emptiness. 

Finally, I gave up. And this proved to be the technique that worked!  In process of giving up, I also let go.  By letting go of the clutter in my head, I could feel my body becoming lighter as the burden of expectations was lifted away as if by magic.   In that brief, but climatic, moment, I was able to rediscover myself.

Meditation is a practice whose benefits are realized only on an experiential level. Too much book learning may hinder the mind’s capacity to let go and simply be. 

To return to ourselves, we must free ourselves from all conceptualizations, analyses, calculations and other mental phenomena that clutter our minds. Obviously, we meditate with a goal in mind.  But we also meditate to gain a fresh, new way of looking at things. 

When we are able to let go and simply be, we awaken to that which remains constant throughout our lives, namely our  inner child. 

As children our inner child is more vibrant in us.  We seem always carefree because our minds are constantly preoccupied with the very expression of our Beings.  We play and express our feelings freely, sometimes to the dismay of our elders. 

As we grow older, we take on greater roles and responsibilities. Our inner child gradually fades into dormancy as we develop a sense of self-identity which we would struggle to maintain throughout our adulthood. 

In the process of growing up, we leave our inner child behind and forget to simply be ourselves. Obviously, as we grow older our bodies change. Our needs evolve. We mature. So, it would be foolish and unnatural to pretend as if we’re children again. 

Reclaiming one’s inner child is not about reverting to childish immaturity.  It is about reconnecting with our true essence, remembering to simply be ourselves, and re-awakening the divine gift which has always been a part of us. Returning to oneself is the climax of spiritual growth. Even grown-ups have a lot of growing up to do.